Getting Back Into It, Yet Again...

It's been awhile, I know. The thing with blogging is you can just ignore it when you're slacking off on your goals...
I was watching the HBO special, "The Weight of the Nation", a week or so ago and it really resonated with me. If you have 2 people who are a healthy weight; one who has always been that way and one who was formerly overweight, the one who was formerly overweight will have to eat 20% fewer calories, or burn that many, for the rest of his or her life than the always a healthy weight person in order to maintain that healthy weight?! This made me cry. Even after I do all the work to get down to a healthy weight, I will have to work harder at maintaining it, no matter how long I maintain it, than a person who has always been skinny. Ugh, talk about disheartening!
So, I went to the doctor for a yearly check-up yesterday. My blood pressure has never really been an issue, but it's the best it's ever been, 106/58! My cholesterol; good, bad, and total, has gone up, unfortunately. I'm hoping that if I can maintain my past week of behavior, eating and exercising, that maybe next time it will be better.
I've been pretty good about the exercising lately. I'm training for a half-mile swim and 15 mile bike in July, and a 1.2 mile swim and 56 mile bike in September. I'm pretty much ready for the swim, but am struggling with the biking some. I just don't enjoy it that much, honestly. I love to swim, biking is just boring to me. It's nice when David and I go for a ride, but we don't have a whole lot of time to do that. I'm really worried that I won't be able to finish the bike in time. I have to do 56 miles in 4.5 hours. Basically, 14 miles an hour. When there's no wind, I average about 15 miles per hour. However, the race site can be pretty windy, so I'm worried that I won't be able to finish...I don't even care if I come in last, I just want to be able to finish.
Today I weighed in at 175.0 pounds. That's the lowest I've been since Christmas. I'm tracking my points on Weight Watchers religiously this week, and have worked out on a 4 day rotation (swim, bike, run/walk, rest). It seems to be working :-) I lost 1.2 pounds since last week! I'm really hoping this is the time that I stick with it. I have an old high school friend coming in to visit at the beginning of October, and I'd really like to look good by then!

I'm going to try this picture thing. Last time, 7 years ago, when I started Weight Watchers for the first time, it really helped to take a picture every 10 pounds. I don't know why, other than I hate seeing myself fat in pictures so I had motivation to get an updated on as soon as I could. So, here's what I look like today, at 175 pounds.



Who I Am

I am not the fat friend, daughter, wife, mom, sister, or teacher. I will also never be the skinny friend, daughter, wife, mom, sister, teacher. I may never be the hot friend, daughter, mom, sister, or teacher. I can and will no longer be defined by how I look on the outside. Yes, I used to be skinny, and then I got fat. That seemed to be where the conversation, and my thoughts always focused. But you know what? Not anymore. No longer will my thoughts be on my weight, high or low, fat or skinny. Instead consider this.

I am your triathlete friend, daughter, wife, mom, sister, or teacher. The one who has completed 2 triathlons and a 1.2 mile swim, and is signed up to do a half-Ironman aqua bike and two other triathlons this summer. I am your trustworthy, dependable, shoulder to cry on. I am the one willing to listen and always be there for you. I am your smart friend, daughter, wife, mom, sister, or teacher. I am your liberal friend, daughter, wife, mom, sister, or teacher. I will always value your opinions and beliefs, even if they are different than mine, even while holding steadfast to my own. I am your friend who is also a mom, daughter, sister, wife, and teacher. I am your daughter who is also your friend. I am your wife who is also your friend. I am your mom who is also your friend and your teacher. I am your teacher who is also your friend, surrogate mom, or sister. I am your singing (mostly on Rock Band) friend, daughter, wife, mom, sister, or teacher. I have been singing for more years than most of you have known me, and yet haven't been known as a singer by most of you. I can be pretty decent, but have a friend who would make your heart sing to hear her. I am your friend, daughter, wife, mom, sister, or teacher who will always put you above myself. You can always count on me to try my hardest to make you happy, no matter what.

Most of all, YOU are my friend, parent, husband, son, daughter, brother, sister-in-law, or student that mean more to me than you will ever know. You are my support. You are my encouragement. You are the reason why I strive everyday to be the best I can be. You are the one who sees me for who I am, not what I look like on the outside. Thank you, and I love you.

Back in the groove, finally!

So, it's been awhile. I fell off the wagon in a pretty bad way for a couple of months. I started seeing a therapist to help me with my emotional and stress eating issues. It really helps just to have someone to talk to every couple weeks. I'm also going to start "reporting" to David each day what my eating habits were. I know, LUCKY HIM!!! It helps me to know that I'll have to be accountable at the end of the day, and also to have someone to talk to if I made a mistake. You know, to have him ask what happened that made me go for the M&Ms. I've had 2 and a half good days, baby steps. I think once I've gotten into a good eating habit for 2 weeks in a row, I'll have broken the bad food habit, at least gotten out of my addiction to sugar enough to stick with it.

I'm starting training for my summer triathlons next week! I want it spread out enough that it's comfortable and not hurried. I'm starting with walking that builds to running, and trying to learn how to swim freestyle without freaking out! I'll always fall back on breast stroke, but freestyle is faster and less demanding on my legs so it would help to be able to do that stroke for at least part of the race. Right now, I have two that I'm already signed up for, one short race in July and one half-Ironman in September. I'm kind of dreading starting back in with working out. I'm not sure how I'm going to find the motivation by Monday, and not sure how I'm going to find the time. It seems so much like I'm pressed for time always, and that's even with a decent amount of flexibility in my current job. I don't know what will happen if I change jobs to one with more traditional hours! I'm hoping that I can slowly develop the habit, with 3 definite walking/running days a week to start with, adding in swimming and biking when I have the time.

Well, let the journey begin, again!